It came down to today.

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Today I took my car in to get the timing belt changed. And winter tires. And whatever else lives under the timing belt in my car. I had the pleasure of spending the day NOT sitting in the freezing cold and smelly mechanic office, but sitting on the couch at Meg’s. I prepared well: I brought my lunch, snacks, knitting, needle felting, my computer, and the photo scanner and photos for the ecovillage.

I planned on really taking the day for me and diving into my to-dos. And yet…

By the end of the day I felt the familiar feeling of, one, wanting to go home and two, that I didn’t want to leave my home for a few days, including the snowshoe trip that I planned to go on with Meg on Saturday. The bottom line: I felt like I didn’t get to spend any time alone. What the flip right? THE WHOLE DAY. ALONE.

And what did I do? I messed with the freakin’ scanner, that is actually for a P(ie)C(e of crap) and not a Mac, and so it worked, but not in any easy peasy sort of way. I wrote a christmas list. I suck at writing christmas lists and they take a long time. And… I needle felted what I could of the ball.

But… I FELT like I did nothing that I had hoped to do. Thankfully though, as I laid pathetically on the couch, using the winiest voice I have in my being, woefully expressing my sadness to meg…. I came up with a plan.

1. I’m not going to go snowshoeing tomorrow.
2. I’m not going to go snowshoeing on Saturday.
3. I’m not going to go snowshoeing on Sunday.
4. I will go on monday. ALONE. And leave from Ayla’s in Nanaimo.

Not only that, but I”m really going to explore the feelings I’m having; this idea that I didn’t get any time alone… when I was in fact completely alone. This idea in contrast with how I felt last weekend after I went kayaking; completely fulfilled and stoked to take on anything.

Wish me luck.

P.S. I think the computer may have something to do with it.

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